Wade, Bosh, James Demand to be Traded to Lakers

Miami - In response to a disappointing 10-8 start, the three star players of the Miami Heat, LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, and Chris Bosh are demanding that general manager Pat Riley trade them to the defending NBA champion Los Angeles Lakers.

During a 20 minute press conference this morning, in which the three frequently spoke over each other, actively struggling for control of the single microphone, James said, "we now think that playing for the Lakers would give us the best chance at an NBA championship."

Swatting away Bosh, he continued, "I'm beginning to question the Heat's commitment to winning. I mean,they've got three of the best players in the NBA and they send us out there with Zydrunas Ilguaskus? Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, but since when is moving like Frankenstein a good quality for a basketball player? Come on. Give us something to work with."

Bosh, stretching over James' shoulder added "We're the stars, but we need a supporting cast! We're human. There are going to be a lot of nights when the three of us all have a bad game at the same time. A lot. Then who do we rely on? Eddie House? Give me a break! Thanks, Pat Riley. Some teammates we have here."

The three are noticeably absent from the Heat's official 2011 team portrait. "we didn't want to dilute our brand", Wade explained as James handed over the microphone in fear of Wade's icy stare, "we are really our own team now. We call ourselves 'Le Boshade!' James quickly called the others to confer privately for a moment, before Wade looked up and added "We still might change that."

James demanded the microphone back and chimed in, "I really think that (Lakers stars) Kobe and Pau are the missing pieces the three of us need to win it all. I'd like to take my talents to Hollywood, but it doesn't really matter if we go there, or they come here."
 
Bosh again over James' shoulder interrupted, "Although if we go there, we would get to play for the West in the All-Star game,which would give us a better chance to win." Wade and James nodded in agreement. "Also, L.A. is a good place to just chill."

Wade ripped the mic away from James, then while rubbing his shoulder and wincing said, "The thing about playing with Kobe and Pau is, like Chris was saying, on those nights, those many, many nights, when the three of us are all having a bad game, Kobe and Pau can step up. That's how a team is supposed to work. I mean, I like Juwan and all, but come on. He's like 50 years old! Not a great teammate."

Before leaving, the three hinted that they might be interested in playing professional baseball for the Yankees. "That would give us the best chance at a World Series title, even if we just sit on the bench all year", James said. Conceding that they are "not very good baseball players".